“All my doctor did was tell me to diet and exercise for my depression. She doesn’t need to know why I’m depressed, that’s none of her business, but… I hate that she only see me as fat. Doctors are just garbage. No offense, Brady.” … These conversations are unconscious minefields. For some, any conversation about diet and exercise, even with regard to mental health, is thought of as judgmental, as toxic, or as fat-shaming. In this way, for far too many people, having any kind of conversation about diet and exercise, including neutral and objective ones, even with people whose …
On boundaries and control issues
“Brady, I can’t. Who would I even date if I started saying, ‘no,’ to all these men who don’t put in effort? No one does, so what else am I going to do? There’s not many options. I don’t want to not have sex ever again. But I kinda would if I rejected all these guys just cause they don’t try.” … At some point in most all of my professional relationships, we have a conversation about boundaries. On my end, it is a terrifying conversation because it is a very vulnerable and charged one that gets right to the source …
On the consequences of sexual abstinence
“Brady, am I going crazy? My wife, maybe ex, I don’t know what to call her, us, right now, but we don’t have sex. We haven’t really since our wedding night and we waited until our wedding night. I respected her choice, mine too, but… it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Why is it bad?” … Admittedly, I was unpleasantly surprised when I started to see more and more persons, and couples, in my practice struggling with the consequences of abstinence on their marriage, their dating life, and their self-esteem. Maybe if I intermittently saw one person, or one couple, struggling with …
On picking a partner
“Doc, what should I look for in a partner?” … This question. I get this question a lot in my practice, and it breaks my heart in small ways and large ways each and every time. On the whole, the idea of what people find desirable in partners, and how they view particular aspects and qualities of the other person as criteria to date or not date, baffles me. There’s the big philosophical and psychological question of why we pick the romantic partners that we pick. There’s also this operational question, which is the one that baffles and fascinates me …
On opening up a relationship
“I’m not monogamous. How do I tell my girlfriend that without it ending our relationship?” “I’m dating these two guys that are awesome, but who do I really want to have a relationship with?” “My girlfriend cheated on me with her ex that I know, and I’m more mad at him than her. Does this mean I don’t want to be with her? I still love her and I think I should be more angry. Should I?” “I think opening up our relationship will spice things up, because things can’t get blander. Any advice?” “If my wife had an affair, I think …
On an all twink diet
“Brady, I love twinks, because they are tasty, delicious, and oh so sugary. I have an all twink diet. However, I am worried that I will get a cavity: a cavity of the soul. What, oh what, should I do?” … I love this question and if I am to read between the lines, I would assume that your casually joking tone masks what may be a deeply personal question that you are trusting me to address. To that, I would like to say thank you for trusting me with this question. For those in the dark, a twink is …
On mostly sex
“Brady. Something that’s been on my mind that I have a hard time thinking about and understanding: can a relationship based mostly on sex survive? Can’t wait to hear back!” … I really like this question and the psychological layers of it, so thank you for asking me this question. To me, yes, there is a sustaining quality to sex in a relationship and sex has a remarkably unique role in maintaining closeness between people. However, my, “yes,” is an incomplete, “yes.” Another layer to the question of the sustaining aspect of sex in a relationship, and when a relationship …
On thinking about sex
I often think about sex, more specifically the complicated way we come to understand ourselves as sexual beings. I think about all the ways that we, as a society, and fellow human beings, talk about sex trivially even as it is sensationalized. Most people are comfortable discussing sex in terms of numbers, timing, and measurements, but rarely in terms of emotions and meaning. However, we must discuss the emotion and meaning of sex if we are ever to think honestly about sex. There are many ways that a person can run away from examining their sexual nature. A person can …