On the consequences of sexual abstinence

“Brady, am I going crazy? My wife, maybe ex, I don’t know what to call her, us, right now, but we don’t have sex. We haven’t really since our wedding night and we waited until our wedding night. I respected her choice, mine too, but… it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Why is it bad?” … Admittedly, I was unpleasantly surprised when I started to see more and more persons, and couples, in my practice struggling with the consequences of abstinence on their marriage, their dating life, and their self-esteem. Maybe if I intermittently saw one person, or one couple, struggling with …

On boundaries and controlling others

“Brady, why do I let others walk all over me? Why do I let others disrespect me so much? There must be something I am doing that says, ‘low self esteem here!’ What is it about me that says this is okay?!” … When someone asks me these questions in an individual  therapy session and goes down this brittle line of self reflection, or boldly ventures into this territory in a couples counseling session, I get a little panicky. In that moment, I’m in very delicate territory, flashing red psychoanalytic lights and all, and I can easily hurt someone even …

On opening up a relationship

“I’m not monogamous. How do I tell my girlfriend that without it ending our relationship?” “I’m dating these two guys that are awesome, but who do I really want to have a relationship with?” “My girlfriend cheated on me with her ex that I know, and I’m more mad at him than her. Does this mean I don’t want to be with her? I still love her and I think I should be more angry. Should I?” “I think opening up our relationship will spice things up, because things can’t get blander. Any advice?” “If my wife had an affair, I think …

On fake people

“Brady, I can’t stand fake people! I get so annoyed by them, pretending to be nice, pretending to be something they’re not, and all the lying. What’re some good ways to shut them down, call them out, or, I don’t know, get them to stop being so fake? You’re mean, so I want to be too.” … Admittedly, you probably won’t like what I’m about to write. For those gentle readers who are unaware, that bastion of contemporary catchphrases, if clichés, Urban Dictionary, would say: A fake person is someone who is not genuine and will do whatever it takes …