“Brady, I love twinks, because they are tasty, delicious, and oh so sugary. I have an all twink diet. However, I am worried that I will get a cavity: a cavity of the soul. What, oh what, should I do?”
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I love this question and if I am to read between the lines, I would assume that your casually joking tone masks what may be a deeply personal question that you are trusting me to address. To that, I would like to say thank you for trusting me with this question.
For those in the dark, a twink is a young gay man, full of hope and promise, that most would consider barely an adult at all. He might have an endless playlist of earnest pop songs in his ears, last night’s glitter still in his hair, the taste of discount alcohol stale upon his breath, and an endless flood of texts and tweets issuing from his thumbs about his latest crush or an ex that he had to dump. This may be a flighty if shallow picture that I am painting of a romantic suitor, but that is not to say that there isn’t something substantial to explore here.
To think about it differently, a twink is in a temporary state of being that most gay men grow out of when they gain 20 lbs, go to grad school, or start a 401k. I write that not to belittle the younger generation of gay men or to impose an idea that, “they have a lot of growing up to do,” from a condescending place but to acknowledge, with gentleness, that they have only begun growing and becoming the men that they truly are. To be a twink, in essence, is to be at a temporary point along a long, if windy, road.
The psychology of twinks, [did I just write that?], therefore includes the understanding that their own youth, and youth’s transitory status, isn’t something that they are particularly conscious of. Others are acutely aware of it. That flourish of youthful vitality may be alluring to you, that sense of newness and discovery may be evocative for you, yet your attraction to twinks might be more about them as an object of desire rather than who they actually are as a person. Turning a person into a simple object for your conquest and away the fullness of their personhood, in this way, might actually foster that, “cavity of the soul,” that you fear.
In providing therapy to gay men regarding the question, “what’s wrong with loving a twink, or any particular type of men?”, I would say that loving a person, and having a type isn’t inherently flawed. Your desire for a partner that you are attracted to, that has a lightness and an unburdened simplicity within him, isn’t inherently problematic. A twink, like all types of persons, has a particular beauty. Being carefree, having boundless energy, thirsting for life experience, and exuding an unburdened air are attractive attributes that you might find appealing; those traits exist in many different kinds of men and not simply twinks. However, what may be more problematic is the reasons behind that choice of being drawn towards younger men.
I don’t want to throw any wild guesses about the reasons that you have for choosing to date twinks, but I will toss out some questions that I would counsel you to sit with so that you can get a better understanding of your own reasons: What do I admire in the men that I love? What are the qualities and personal characteristics that I want in a partner, and how do they relate to me? What are the personal qualities and characteristics that I do not want in a boyfriend, lover, or husband? How have I chosen romantic partners in my past?
Asking yourself these questions may provide insight into your own reasons for dating younger men. There is the possibility, then, that you can build within yourself an ability to describe, identify, and know the quality of man, not merely the type, that does satisfy your soul, and that feels right for you.
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As much as twinks grow up, we all grow up, and we all have the ability to make more conscious and clearer choices in the kinds of relationships we would like to have, and the kind of life we would like to live.
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